Emotions

 Most times I feel I don’t need anyone.  Guess that’s because I’ve been alone so much in my life.  I struggle like anybody to cope with my emotions.  But it is hard when you’re alone.  The past couple years have been good for me, and I have no reason to feel depressed.  In the past, stresses over finances & my own situation usually brought me down.  But this time is different.

Those who know me well know I have had a few major personality swings in my life.  There is not one thing to point to or blame.  It is an accumulation of my life experiences & the memories I have of them.  None of us are the same and we act and react differently in given situations.  So, as I sit here, I am trying to react to my negative feelings and bring them into a positive light.  

Throughout my life I have had a deep empathy for the less fortunate.  Perhaps it’s because I have been in their shoes.  The homeless, the troubled, the lonely, the poor & the sick.  It runs so deep in me it has cost me dearly, not so much financially but emotionally.  When you see & feel so much sadness & division around you…it starts to affect you.   

I feel at times most positive…but then there are the days & sometimes weeks where life is different.  I told someone yesterday that when you feel tired & rundown…it’s your body telling you that you need a break.  Well, I need to take some of my own advice, regroup & stay focused.

Here’s an example of my current emotional swings.  Even though I’ve not been feeling well I went to the grocery store yesterday morning.  On the side of the store there’s a small parking area & some trees.  I often park there and the last couple times there was a homeless man sitting in a wheelchair under one of the trees.  He was there today…but today was different, it was raining pretty good.  As I rode by, I circled back and asked him if he was hungry…he looked up and said yes…so I told him I’d get him a sandwich at the store.  I did my shopping, loaded the car in the rain (hey, I was out of milk, bread & eggs, but had plenty of bacon) and drove over to where he was sitting. 

I gave him the sandwich and had a short discussion with him, asked him his name…Donnie…& I told him I would pray for him that his situation would get better.  The whole time I felt and portrayed a positive demeanor.  But as I drove off…my emotions boiled over.  I started to pray, not just for Donnie, but for all the homeless & hungry in this country and around the world and the tears just flooded my eyes.  It’s a desperate feeling to have when you know all you can really do is pray about it and have faith God will make things better.

I wiped my tears and finished my prayer and realized my situation is nothing like Donnie’s and I have the whole world in front of me.  But where to start in making my own self better, as well as whatever piece of the world around me I can make better.  How do I stay positive in such a negative world?  There is only one way and that is to trust my faith in God and keep a handle on my emotions.

 If you surround yourself in negativity, you will stay stuck in that hole.  As an example…if you’re sad and you continue to watch sad movies or listen to sad music…how are you ever going to feel positive.  So, you must either find something uplifting or do something yourself that has positive actions &  reactions.  A change in direction that leads to a healthier outlook on yourself & the world around you.

The emotions I’ve had over the past week can be attributed to several things; three cracked ribs, the holidays alone, a sprained back, but I think it has been an accumulation of things, chief of which is the pain & division I see in this world.

I may not be able to do much about things overseas…but I can do some things right here in my hometown to give me direction and help others along the way.  Whether our emotions run high, low, or mid-stream, the peace we seek can only be found in the expressions of love…even if it’s just a sandwich, a kind word, and a prayer from a stranger.  

Seek, find, create, and share love…it is why we were created; it is the most positive feeling we can give or receive, and what will see us through in our most emotional of times.

Luke Chapter 11:33-36   AMEN.