My Enemy, Is In A Me

This introduction was written in February 2018, from a time in 2009, that fortunately…I was prepared for:

Yesterday while driving around listening to the radio I heard Kimber talk about the movie “My enemy, my enemy.” It got me thinking about something I wrote when there was a time in my life when I had all the time in the world, a time when I had a view of the river but couldn’t walk its shores.  It was a time where survival depended on instinct and a time I was fighting for my life and reputation, while immersed in a sea of hate, guilt, pain, and shame.  The Duval County jail was no place for anyone to be, but for six months while I fought the charges against me in a system rigged against the unresourced & unfortunate…I had a condo on the river (a four man cell with a gap for a window) that I made the most of.  I wrote and read when I could and watched my back while focusing on the scenes in front of me.   

The charges were eventually dropped but the stain, the scars and the story remains; a part of the story that some cast judgement on without knowing the full story.  I kept a journal and wrote many entries in an effort to maintain my faith and sanity.  This is one of them, and although it is from a time I’d rather forget, the stain and scars will never go away as they are part of a story yet to reach a conclusion, as it never really ends. This is a great story to narrate as well.

My Enemy, Is In A Me.  (Hand written in 2009)

It is a lonely battle I fight; stranded on this hill, watching for the enemy combatants to pass my way.  I watch them and study them. I search the depth of their souls and if by chance I perceive a wrethched rotten to the core heathen body…I take it out.  I have no doubt about my mission on the hill.  My orders are simple…use your own best judgement, use everything you’ve been taught, use all your senses, use all your subconscious thought and most important use all your experiences to ping your gut and guide your heart as you make the final call…to live or die…it is in your hands to call. 

It is a lonely battle I fight.  Over the years I have slain many, many a common foe.  Some as big as a red oak tree, others as small as a ring tailed pigeon.  Some were as strong as a team of ox, others as weak as a dying fires ember.  It doesn’t matter to me where they came from, when they got here, or why they found their self at the trail beneath my hill…they are there.  It doesn’t matter which way they came, or which way they go, my orders are simple…if they bad they got to go, to be judged by others…it’s not for me to make that final call.  If they good then help save their soul, encourage their Faith & share in Gods Love.

It is a lonely battle I fight.  Much time I have to sit and ponder.  Much of my days and sleepless nights I wonder…do I sit at the base of another man’s hill?  Am I in the cross hairs of an executioner’s will?  I ask such things and pray for guidance.  Over the years an answer begins to form.  It took years of trial and error, but I believe I have been given a bit of insight as to where you, I, and others stand on the path of eternal life.  For some their life is cut too short, exterminated perhaps for no cause.  For others life is endless…it goes on and on.  What is important throughout either life, short or long, is that you realize the greatest enemy is not out there, oh no…the greatest enemy is not up there or down there.   The greatest enemy is not he who spites you.  The greatest enemy for you to fear…is right inside you.

It is a lonely battle I fight.  Look into any mirror or calm body of water; you will see your greatest enemy staring you square in the face.  My enemy, is in a me.  My enemy, is in a me.  So as I sit and cast judgement on others…compassion I first seek.  For many souls are led astray by the enemies around them, but if they reflect and realize their greatest enemy is in themselves then perhaps their troubles will fade.

It is a lonely battle I fight…Quiet…here comes a lost soul down life’s eternal spiral path…you decide this time…for it to live, or for it to die.

© Bryan A. Stross 3/30/2009 6:30 AM EST

The following are some notes I wrote on the sides of this paper and the Bible verses that I was concentrating on at the time that I wrote My Enemy, Is In A Me.

The Book of Micah Chapter 7 Verses 6-8

To seek a higher power you must first crawl and cower, then maybe you’ll wash in life’s shower.

The meek shall inherit the earth, and the rich will pay for it.

To peek into the future is one of mans most wanted treasures.

The beak of an eagle is used to tear and rip, but it also holds its nose.

The claws of the bear will slice and hold, but beneath is a soft pad of sole.

The Book of Ezekiel Chapters 40-42.

A wise man once told me, go west to find gold, go north to find fame, go south to find fair weather…but first go east over waters of calm to a land you’ve not seen in this life.  Once there seek your past and search your soul and perhaps you’ll find the love of your life.

A recent thought:

Love can console your heart and ease your pain, but it can also drain your spirit and cause torment and anguish.  In either case do not let love rip your head apart or the only thing you’ll have left is your soul to pick up the pieces and patch it all up again.  Find your love, cherish it and grow it…and it will blossom into a creation you cannot truly fully imagine. 🐝

Post Edit & Pics 1/23/2024. 7:50AM EST 

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