My mother passed on this past November, on Veterans Day. She had ALS and as a family we were prepared for the eventual. But we were not prepared for the amount of family history my mother had maintained in various filing cabinets & boxes stored in a couple closets.
My mother was not a hoarder, she was an organized heirloom & records keeper, there's a difference. We found checks dating back to 1937 from my grandfather's various businesses. She had every one of her cancelled check books dating back to the 1970's, in date & number order. My mother was obsessed with record keeping and organization, but from an accountant's perspective, before there were computers. So again, it was a bit of a surprise to see all this after her passing, but it was a find of another kind that I was most humbled by & it led to a special moment I had with her...the week of her passing.
My mother lived in the same house for the past 42 years. It was a nice ranch style house on an oversized lot. Much of 2022 I was her nighttime caretaker, staying in the guest bedroom. We had lots of time to share & I read some of my poems & stories to her. I would bring my blue tooth speaker in her room sometimes and play some classic rock & yes of course I played a bit of harmonica for her.
In the 1960's while many around my mother's age enjoyed a social revolution, she was raising two children as a single mom. She often worked two or more jobs to afford my sister & I a stable suburban life. Without a father, I lacked the direction & discipline I needed to keep me straight. Gradually, as I became more undisciplined, I think she seen the writing on the wall...that her son would end up suffering thru life, unless she did something.
She married a border line working alcoholic, an executive, a rich man, an ex-marine, a golden gloves boxer, a Catholic on Sunday & not so much the rest of the week...but he brought the discipline she felt I needed.
From a young age my mother knew I liked rock & roll. In the early 70's when she remarried & we relocated, she made sure my new keyboard instructor had a rock & roll flair. Yeah, he had long hair & smoked cigarettes and played in a band. My stepfather at the time couldn't stand him, but my mother adored him. Pictured is the song book I used in those days that I found in the closet the week she passed. It certainly has memories, but not the kind I cherished & that she salvaged for me.
From those early days living outside Milwaukee in my early teens my joy for music was first kindled. Yes, I was not a model kid...but I wasn't totally unprincipled. I was reserved & observed the busy world around me with memories of my grandparents' peaceful & unhurried farm. I was introduced to rock & roll and had a friend whose older brother would take us to concerts. I had a paper route & my mom would kick in a bit to allow me to afford tickets. It was these memories I cherished most as concerts brought me to a world...I could immerse myself in & dream about. The amplified sound & pulsing lights encouraged a shy & lonely boy to come out of his shell...if only for short times.
My spirit knew what I needed in my early teens & it wasn't a less than caring stepfather. My rebellious decline continued & at age 14 or so, I spent a year at Rawhide Boys Ranch in New London, Wisconsin. It was the best thing ever for me at that time of my life.
I guess it was around 1974-1976 when many of the classic rock bands of the 70's & 80's were starting to come onto the music scene. I saved most of my concert ticket stubs. I had them in a little plastic case in my dresser. My stint at the boy's home over, I was 15 now and we lived in the Tampa, Florida area, my stepfather having been demoted & transferred for his own transgressions. I of course started back at high school and for over a year made a go at starting over, but something was missing. I found myself again associating with the wrong crowd. I did go to a couple more concerts, but eventually left home at 16...hitting the open road with a small suitcase, less than $50 & a boat load of frustration of the present, but dreams of a better future...it was 1977.
Obviously I couldn't take all my meager possessions, I took some clothes & such, but memories had to stay...& that included my cherished concert ticket stub case. I left it in the top drawer of my dresser with other items, as I started my life's journey...a journey that came full circle forty six years later, November 9th, 2022, a couple days before my mother passed on...to be with her own special memories.
The week my mother passed we saw a drastic decline in her health. The ALS was affecting her ability to breath now and we knew that was not good. In the room I stayed half the closet had boxes covered with quilts my mother had made. I never looked thru them, they were neatly in that back side area of the closet, but in that couple days before she passed, I got curious & instincts kicked in, or maybe it was something else. Two nights before she passed I went thru that closet...& one of the most emotional moments ever in my life unfolded, at the top of an old card board box, in a dark & lonely closet.
There in the far back, the last box & it was labeled music. I pulled it out, opened it up and there it was...my concert ticket stub case from forty six years ago. I can't justly explain my emotions in words...but yes tears were definitely involved. You see not only were the ticket stubs there, but also memories from my stay at Rawhide Boy's Ranch where I first heard about the life of Jesus and accepted Him in my life & spirit.
My mother had saved some of the most important memories of my childhood, the concert stubs. But she saved a much more important part of me that was missing for most of my early life....Faith & Salvation in the Words & Ways of our Lord & Savior Jesus Christ. I was baptized a nondenominational Christian while I was at Rawhide, in the offsite Church proper by a pastor who was an ex-gang member. A few months later we had a retreat to the Wisconsin Dells where I partook in witnessing to others...a true rapturing of your life & spirit.
This picture is the cases contents...the concerts include:
Stephen Stills, Robin Trower, Jeff Beck, Queen, Uriah Heep, Blue Oyster Cult, Styx, Doobie Brothers, Barry McGuire, Dave Major, Yes, Bob Seger, Marshall Tucker, Rolling Stones, Eagles & of course REO Speedwagon. I remember seeing Kansas, Supertramp & Jethro Tull during this time, probably as secondary bands to the head liners back then. A pretty well-rounded mix of classic rock & roll now, & having these old stubs from many of these bands early beginnings is pretty cool, tangible proof I was there when classic rock was in its infancy and to help the memories.
There is also a picture of my grand parents, my mother at 36 years old, my old retainer & money clip as well as a picture of Jesus with "Footprints in the Sand" on the back, Campus Crusades 40 page pamphlet "Journey into the Known" by Anre Kole (where he sheds light on 27 signs of Christ's Second Coming) a Crucifix and a fragile glass double heart necklace & earring set that must have had some significance to be in my concert stub box.
The night I found this box my mother was still awake. I went into her room with tears in my eyes & showed it to her. She knew what it was, never told me she had it & now after all these years she knew it was special to me. My mother also knew that if I found this...I had found her other "mementos" she had stashed in the back bedroom closet as well. I sensed a calming come over her as she looked at me and shared words only meant for me...she passed less than two days later, knowing her treasures were safe.
Memories...we all have them...kinda nice when they come back for a visit. Thanks Mom.
Love You Always. 🐝
